Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
