No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Can I color on your dick again?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Oh god it's open bar.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
