yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
