When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
