I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
