Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
