I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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