he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
