Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
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