Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
