woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
