did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
