I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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