I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
