Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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