My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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