whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
