He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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