mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
