There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
