So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
