1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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