You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm too high and old for this...
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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