I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
