Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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