hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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