I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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