It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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