Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
