Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
