Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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