I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
