apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
