Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
