my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
