the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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