Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
COCAINE IS GR8
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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