'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
