I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
