I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Randomize
