Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Randomize
