Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
