Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
