dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
