There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
