Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
