btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Randomize
