I like to think it a success when the cops are called
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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