went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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