she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
