I feel like abortions should bother me more
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
