and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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