your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
