I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Randomize
